How to Know a Person: David Brooks on the Art of Truly Seeing Others

At the heart of every healthy relationship, thriving workplace, and strong community lies one essential skill: the ability to truly see and understand others. As David Brooks puts it, “The older I get, the more I come to the certainty that there is one skill at the center of any healthy family, company, classroom, community or nation: the ability to see each other, to know other people, to make them feel valued, heard, and understood.”

And yet, so many people feel unseen, misunderstood, and invisible in a world that often prizes efficiency over empathy. In How to Know a Person, Brooks embarks on a deeply insightful, research-driven, and profoundly human exploration of what it truly means to connect with others.

Drawing from psychology, neuroscience, history, education, and even theatre, Brooks offers a hopeful and practical guide to building deeper, more meaningful relationships. He presents essential questions that help us engage with people on a genuine, personal level, allowing us to move beyond surface interactions to real understanding and connection.

But this book is more than just a manual for better relationships—it’s a remedy for the fragmentation, hostility, and loneliness that plague modern society. Brooks argues that truly seeing another person is a creative act, one that expands our own sense of self while fostering a more compassionate, connected world.

For anyone seeking deeper relationships, yearning to be understood, or striving to make others feel truly valued, How to Know a Person is an essential, life-affirming read.